Christmas and the festive holiday can be the loneliest time of the year for separated parents if you are not seeing your children, specially if you are finding it hard to make any arrangements with your ex for parenting time at all.
Put your children before your distress. Encourage your kids to look forward to the next time they will see you. Be confident they will have a happy time even though you are not part of it.
- Try to negotiate a phone call on Xmas day with your ex so they know you are still there and happy for them. Send them a card too. Despite how you feel make no disparaging comments about your ex. This is the last thing your kids will want to hear on this happy day.
- Try to negotiate with your ex that the children have every other Xmas with you.
- If you do have your kids this year don’t over organise it. Kids will often have as much fun with their parent, a carboard box and Sellotape than they ever will with expensive electronics. It’s fun time with you that counts. Give them memories, not presents.
- Don’t compete on presents with your ex. Extravagant gestures to impress the ex or the kids will not work specially when money is tight for both of you.
- Your kids don’t yet think like adults so don’t expect them to. Don’t be surprised that they have as much fun without you as they have when with you. That’s what kids are like.
- If you do end up on your own, don’t get miserable or lonely over Xmas. Get out, see your friends, jog, exercise, and volunteer to help those even less fortunate than yourself. Self-pity will only immobilise you.
If you need further help, please call our Helpline on 0300 0300 363. Available 9am - 10pm Monday - Friday and from 10am - 3pm at weekends with more specialised support from our volunteers between 6pm and 10pm on Monday to Fridays.
7th December 2021
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