Help us with our report on alienating behaviours
Last year we encouraged parents to complete a survey of alienating behaviours. Thank you to all those who responded. We plan to publish a report on this in April. If you have not already completed this, please do so now.

It is important not to lose focus and remember that the term ‘parental alienation’ is an umbrella-term for a range of behaviours whereby one parent denigrates the other in front of their children, usually following acrimonious separation when feelings of hurt and anger are uncontained. It is the exercise of undue influence on a child that promotes or even rewards hateful behaviour. No child should be told that a parent left them because they did not love the child or that presents given ‘are rubbish’ or not shared at all. Neither should a child experience the displeasure of a parent just because they had a great time with the other one. Those who follow us can offer dozens of examples of such behaviours that pressurise children and ultimately damage them, often irreparably. 

Our survey asks you to give us some indication of the extent and frequency with which you have experienced some of the more common behaviours that undermine child-parent relationships. It also invites you to provide us with specific examples - so feel free to tell us what you witnessed, what your child(ren) said, saw, experienced, what precipitated a change in behaviour - how you came to discover it, how did it impact e.g. what was your relationship like before and after, etc. It would also be good to hear how it made you feel when you discovered what was happening. We have also added a question for you to tell us about examples that we have not specifically identified. We hear some extraordinary stories - many may be unique, but there are common patterns that shine though. We plan to use your comments to create a more widely shared examples and case studies that will promote a better understanding of what happens. It will also help us to influence those who can assist in developing solutions - to prevent it happening and to deal with it more effectively when it does. 

If you are aware of examples of inappropriate behaviours then do share these with us.

If you have not yet completed our survey, please click here to access and complete it.

Parental Alienation on GBNews

Philip Davies MP and Esther McVey MP did a great interview with Jan James a week ago on GBNews with Jan James on the theme of 'What is parental alienation and why is psychological manipulation of children wrong?'. It is important to raise awareness of the abusive effect of parental alienation on children and parents. Those who have experienced toxic post-separation parenting on their children will be aware of how destructive it is. Most people are not and hence sharing this with as wide a group is important.

You can watch the nine minute interview on YouTube here.

ACTION - Please thank Esther McVey MP and Philip Davies MP for continuing to flag this issue. If you have been affected by these issues and are in their constituencies then please share your stories with them and suggest that they discuss potential solutions with FNF. Esther McVey is the MP for Tatton and her contact details can be found here and her Twitter account here. Philip Davies is the MP for Shipley and his contact details can be found here and his Twitter account here.

Addressing 'parental alienation' 
Do also write to your MP with your experience if your children were turned against you, how this was deal with and what support you did or did not have. You may invite them to meet with you and suggest possible actions that would address this (see below). Also point out that the government does not have a strategy for separated families, even though over a third of parents separate before their children reach 16 years of age. Such a strategy was recommended in 2019 by the Social Security Advisory Committee. Our suggestion is that such a strategy would focus on keeping people out of court and promoting shared care and parental collaboration.

Specific suggestions to address alienation include Early Intervention (in most cases delay in re-establishing time with children usually enables the effect of inappropriate parenting to take hold):

- Parental education on good/bad parenting and consequences
- Developing and incentivising effective alternatives to court
- Default shared parenting orders in the absence of abuse
- Investigation of abuse allegations in weeks not months/years
- Effective enforcement of contact orders - again avoidance of delay is critical as it is easier to nip problems in the bud
- Effective sanctions for unjustified contact denial
- Speed of family court proceedings as these compound the effects of alienation and enable it to set-in
- Support of family and friends in putting children’s needs above persoanl adult hurt and anger - i.e. change the culture to be child-focused

Do also suggest that your MP get in touch with us to discuss ways to address the failings of a family justice system that is not fit-for-purpose. You can find contact details for your MP here.

Dealing with 'parental alienation' 
If you are have experienced behaviours of your ex or your children that suggest that the children feel pressured to reject you, please attend one of our support meetings to obtain further guidance.

It is sometimes suggested in the media or on social media that parental alienation is a stock response of abusive parents that results in ‘unsafe’ contact orders. This is a fallacy – judges don’t just accept such allegations without evidence. Indeed, making such allegations can be counter-productive. If you are in litigation, it is important to remember that judges are less interested in your conclusion that parental alienation has taken place than in evidence of behaviours that you have witnessed – what your ex said or did, what your children said or did, when it happened, etc. It is the role of the judge to decide whether these were alienating behaviours and whether your child’s rejection was because of this or other reasons. In summary, keep good records.

13th February 2022

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