Frequently Asked Questions about Domestic Violence

 

Does the internet really need another DV FAQ?

If you came here looking for stuff about digital video then you've come to the wrong place. Domestic violence covers many forms of abuse that occur between people living (or once living) under the same roof. There is much work done to draw attention to violence against women (VAW); less about domestic violence and abuse against men, though it does occur.
 

Is there anything worse than domestic violence against women?

It's clear that men aren't the only perpetrators, as these figures from the US about children dying as a result of mistreatment show:

Child Maltreatment Fatalities by Perpetrator Relationship, 2003

Mother only 30.5%
Father only 18.2%
Mother and father 20.4%
Mother and Other 8.2%
Father and Other 0.9%

Mothers were Perpetrators in 59.1%
Fathers were Perpetrators in 39.5%

Click here for source.

 
But what about in the UK?

The NSPCC produced a report in 2000 (which it no longer has on its website, unfortunately) that covers child abuse in the UK. It stated, "most violence occurred at home (78 per cent) with mothers being primarily responsible in 49 per cent of cases and fathers in 40 per cent of cases." Click here for a review of that report.

One of the most frequently cited sources about DV generally in the UK is the British Crime survey. Click here to see copy (pdf).

 
But what about less extreme types?

There is much discourse on whether physical violence and other forms of abuse should be treated in the same way in the context of intimate relationships. Click here for a set of definitions provided by various agencies.

 
Why does everyone use the words "if its safe" just when referring to dads seeing their children?

 Not everyone. Read  Lord Justice Wall's 29 Homicides Report . Provided the "if it is safe" clause is added  as a rider when considering how much time children should spend with mothers and with step-fathers, then it is obviously a good principle.

 

What is FNF’s case that it is generally safer that children have an involved father than not?

The figure issued by Women's Aid, and uncritically accepted by the NSPCC, is that over ten years some 29 children have been killed by their fathers while 'on contact' or linked in some way with contact. These figures are hotly disputed, and they do not come from an impartial source. But let's accept them for the moment. Over the same period the NSPCC estimates that some 800 to 1,000 children have died as a result of abuse or neglect by their parents or carers. Now if we accept that children in divided families spend (a bit below the 'norm') some 15% of their time with their contact parent, then if contact was 'dangerous' one would expect the proportion of deaths to be 15% or above, rather than 3%. Now of course the groups are not directly comparable. Not all children killed by residential parents or carers are from divided families, though many are. There is a huge gap to close before one can say that contact is more dangerous than residence - in fact the reverse. Children are at less risk on contact than being denied it. This is also of course common sense. Not much child abuse is deliberately inflicted, though of course some is. Usually it is the result of parents driven to the end of their tethers by the 24/7 demands of their children in adverse situations. Sharing the children can take the pressure off the residential parent. If there is malicious abuse, it gives the children someone else to relate to and to tell what is going on.

 
Why are our democratically elected representatives being so slow at recognising and correcting the problems that our family justice system suffers from that put so many children at risk?

Because they are not told about the issues and put under pressure to change things. Remember that what happens in the family courts is secret, and every victim thought that they were the only ones suffering. They did not take collective action

 
The mother of my child is repeatedly preventing contact with me, is that classed as Domestic Violence?

YES. A Borough Commander of the Metropolitan Police said In a recent letter to FNF "one parent repeatedly refusing the other access to his/her children would fall within the ACPO definition of Domestic Violence". He goes on to say "I would expect the (police) officer to record the incident and inform our Community Safety Unit, in line with MPS policy". FNF members can get a copy of the letter here

What do I do if I'm in an abusive relationship?

Get some help.  Check out the BBC advice page.

 

Click here for a list of useful links.
 

If you have a question about your responsibilities as
a parent regarding violence (DV), which isn't answered above,
then please email it to webmaster@fnf.org.uk
Sorry, not able to answer all emails.